if only ben quinn had a web log...

(...a thorough discussion of cycling excuses...)

1. My Extendor valve Broke.

2. I didn't have my ID so they didn't let me into the Academy.

3. I am like two days away from getting pneumonia.

4. For like 3 weeks every spring I get these really bad allergies and can't breathe.

5. When asked if I was ready to hammer, I vomited all over myself.

6. I've got pink eye, gangrene, melanoma, that david millar sun allergy thing, count choculitis, and/or lice.

7. My brake was rubbing.

8. Acid+Crits = totally tweaking out.

9. I only used 4 pins on my race number.

10. Ryan Belew farted in front of me.

11. I saw Kiel at the start line, immediately gave up, and committed "hari kiel".

12. Diarrhea.

13. Explosive Diarrhea.

14. Cramps (menstrual or otherwise).

15. Totally Bonked.

16. Too many bong hits this week.

17. I got blacked out drunk and hooked up with D(wight) and am too embarrassed to go to the race this weekend.

18. I didn't get much training in this week as I have a new hobby, rollerblading around Wash Park in skinsuits two inches from my buddies ass.

19. Dehydration.

20. Someone in the peloton was freakin ripe, and I couldn't take it anymore.

21. My chain feel off while i was trying to shift into my 11.

22. Norovirus.

23. Fucking Grabowski.

24. I got blacked out drunk, hooked up with Cass, who I thought was D(wight), and thus, am too embarrassed to come to the race this weekend.

25. I forgot that I had a meeting with Dr. Fünke, my Analrapist.

26. I have an unhealthy obsession with Anne Spalding.

27. I accidentally filled my water bottles with coagulated sheep blood.

28. Eric Moore ate all the strawberry energy gels, which is the only flavor I eat.

29. I forgot my vise at home.

30. I don't ride hard, or wear clothes for that matter, on casual friday.

31. I smoked a pack of real cigarettes with my hood rat friends and my lungs are bleeding.

Best Real cycling excuses...

I suck right now.
I couldn't breathe because I am in shitty shape.
I saw Kiel at the start line and immediately gave up.
Explosive Diarrhea.
I don't ride my bike enough, thus am extremely slow.
Bonking, dehydration, I would argue cramps only because it was my reason for quitting the Durango crit but is debatable.
I got blacked out drunk and hooked up with D(wight) and am too embarrassed to go to the race this weekend.



Come with us now on a journey through time and space...to the world of the MIGHTY BOOSH.