two firsts in one day. first cyclocross race and first water-borne itching parasite. yes, a busy day indeed.

headed out to interlocken this morning with the sandstorm brothers, evan and eric. eric (age: 15, height: 6'7'') needed to make it to the juniors race, so at dark thirty we all piled in to the volvo and made the pilgrimage to the course.

much of the course entailed riding through this viscous grass that absorbed most of the energy that was expended with each stroke through the pedals. there were quite a few turns, some of which people were describing as "off-canter". i almost hit a tree, but i did not thanks to my superior genes/immune system. my roommate just called his online girlfriend a "cheap-ass bitch" while engaging in some non-halo 3 variety of battle (another video game that i do not know the name of)...frankly, i don't think this relationship is going to last. im sitting next to the sloth as i type this, and thus feel compelled to let you know that it's business as usual in room 607 north. he informed the young lass that he woke up at two in the afternoon, ate some trans-fat filled confectionery delight, and then has, "...pretty much been playin' halo eva since." it's nine o'clock right now. ill be leaving him soon, and the child (aubrey) will be coming with me. okay enough of that, back to the race.

the dismounting sections of the course, there were two of them, included an epic, deep puddle of stagnant, amoeba filled, cess pool-esque water, followed by a muddy run up, as well as a dismount at the bottom of a hill, a run up, a jaunt through a volley balll course, and finally two more barriers up a mild slope. this last section made kind of an "m" shape.


(pictured is greg "mud and cowbells" keller, lover of cyclocross, and sick blogger. i don't know him personally, but i read his web log.)

a few hours after watching the lil' sandstorm rip it up like a mummy on acid, evan and i (...outfitted in our undeniably sexy long sleeve skinsuits...) rolled up to the start. the field sizes for almost all of the races were disgustingly large....i think the senior men 45+ category had a rumored 100 or more riders....the race being in such close proximity to boulder and denver was most likely responsible for this. there must have been at least fifty (correction 100) people lined up for our race, and evan and i were only about two rows back at the start. following the commencement of the race there was a mass of people looking to get a good position into the first turn, i was passing people and moving my way up before the creek crossing, and after the gross hill had put myself in a decent position. the rest of the race was spent trying to move up. i was passing people on the sections with the barriers and dismounts, and was being re-passed on some of the grassy sections. the legs felt good the last three to five laps, meaning i was not so far into oxygen debt that i was unable to maintain cognitive function.

things that went well today, sort of. firstly, the weather was warm and sunny. all of the observatory park mounting, dismounting, and clipping in practice friday afternoon seemed to have paid of as there was no racking of one's self, and most of the time i was able to keep power moving through the pedals, post-barriers. also, i looked good...this is a given and really requires no mentioning. i also finished top 20 i think...maybe...well, we shall see. i beat all of the people i was determined to beat at the start, namely the two significantly younger TIAA-CREF kids.

things that did not go well today. after the muddy run up i dropped my chain to the outside somehow and had a difficult time getting it back on, a few positions were lost, and the post-chain drop bicycle remount was over a knobbly section of the course and was mildly painful.

evan was not happy with his result, and said that his "...legs felt like shit...", but he rocked it, and like a true sandstorm was riding through the sand pit/volley ball course. bad ass.

my first observations on the sport that is cyclocross.
1. ex-csu coach probably loves it due to its intense nature, and innate dick-in-a-vice qualities.
2. it's hard as fuck (pardon my american).
3. i can't wait to do it again...sans the itching and hallucinations (more to come on this...).

the second "first" (itching and hallucination)...

now that i have attempted to discuss the race without considering what transpired afterwards, which made yesterday a not so fantastic day, i will tell you about my undiagnosed allergy to stagnant pond water.

i dont clearly remember all of this. (the swear words are necessary because they help in recreating the agony).

i was very itchy after the race, my head started itching and then it started moving down my body...im very thirsty, but more so itchy...i drink some water out of an ash colored nalgene bottle, which smiled at me...i wish there was more water in this bottle...corey's parents, corey's lady friend jami, corey, scott wenzel (i would like to absolve him of all dead-ness, but maybe just a tad dead to me still), eric, and evan were all shucking and jiving next to the muddy ditch after the four's race, it's nice to see all of them...evan and i are going to disneywrand for spring break...i itch every fucking where!...okay i need to get this skinsuit off so that i can scratch my skin so hard it bleeds and my forearms get sore...back to evans car...skinsuit off boxers on...ill sit on the asphalt and scratch...i think that woman standing next to her car can see into my boxers...i dont care...evan i need help, lets go get some benadryl please...i wonder if i can go swimming in that stream of reclaimed water...okay we're in the sandstrom mobile, and i am laying down in the backseat with only boxers and a pair of sunglasses evan handed me on...my vision is all sorts of fucked up, why is it so bright?...i can't see anything...(driving)...i see a pool...evan pull over the car...now...okay the pool is gated, im hopping over the gate...fuck fuck fuck theres some sort of inpenetrable, spring-loaded cover on the pool...the bottoms of my feet itch, it must be this pool deck...my feet are on fire...hopping back over the gate, back to the vehicle...bob you were told to thoroughly clean the pool this morning!...(driving)...albertson's parking lot, throw on white shirt and shoes so that i can get service...into the store, evan hands me a gatorade i start drinking...cold soda in the fridge next to the check out, i start drinking that...where did they go...i cant see anything, it is so bright in here...pharmacy isle...antihistimines!...fuck there are like a million varietys of benadryl...im going to pass out or lie down...okay im sitting on the floor...evan just open a fucking box...here swallow these...eric go get two gallons of water...check out, credit or debit...back to the parking lot...dump water on a towel and start rubbing...okay im starting to feel better...clothes on.

...anyways, that's kind of how it went down. thank you evan and eric for all of your help. thank you corey's parents, jami, corey and scott for yelling words of encouragement. we went back to watch some of corey's race afterwards, i started getting drowsy from the four benadryl tablets and after almost passing out in the shower, fell asleep on top my bed.

i attempted to WebMD my symptoms, but the diagnosis of "crabs" seemed incorrect.



in other news...

haley brill and i are in the preliminary planning stages of a trip to india. would you like to come?

first cross practice...using a cross bike. still not using mtb shoes, but someday soon.

headed out to a park off of bannock st. that eric moore showed me once upon a time. i spent the first part of my morning hopping invisible barriers and running up a hill. i think it went alright all things considered. i am terrible at mounting a bicycle while running, i either end up stutter stepping and sort of half-hopping on, or i build up the courage to do it properly and end up jumping excessively high and crashing on to the saddle, which hurts. i wish i was a female...no pain when you mis-hop on to your bike saddle, and no need to purchase costly calendars. the park is right next to a high school, and since today is a tuesday school was in session, and people were doing some pre-class canoodling on park benches, etcetera. nobody was really paying attention to the uncoordinated kid that seemed to be moving about the park without rhyme or reason...running with a bike over his shoulder, attempting to do wheelies, riding down hills with both legs on one side of the bike...one homeless man did however hear me utter some profane language under my breath after i had credit carded myself on the tip of my saddle. he smiled and my pain had been justified. i hurt myself, people like watching people hurt themselves, therefore people like me. thats called a syllogism. im like john hammond, except i have bicycle and he had an elaborate amusement park with cloned dinosaurs on an island about forty miles off the coast of costa rica.



definitely worth a couple weeks of dealing with unsavory ebayers.

...AND THANK YOU KYLE! D'AURIA.

wtf was i thinking.

the friuts of my loins.

i went over to eric moore's haus at around 4:30...and three-five hours later this was birthed in his living room. thanks eric and tito.

извинения

the prior post was much more entertaining this morning, following the french press of coffee and the two bowls of cinnamon toast crunch. no more posting for the sake of posting. i cross my heart...and hope to die. kids are scared of the park. yeah, grown men come into the park and don't leave alive.

i noticed this while perusing the web post-breakfast...polish fixie!

"Hi Dennis! I’m from Poland. This is my third fixie ,her name is “Gąska Balbinka” I use her to commute every day ,everywhere. Bike is based on cromoly steel frame ,shitmano 600 cranks ,modolo handlebar ,and wheels –miche pista hubs –remerx Taurus rims. Gear is 52X17. I’ll be glad to see my Balbinka in your’s gallery. My mail: rurokura@o2.pl rurokura@o2.pl"

click on the link and check out rurokura's sick shitmano cranks. yeah, thats right even polish people think shimano sucks, the polish consensus is that they should stick to fishing reels.

http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2007/oct/1/rurokura.htm#image_2

after a weekend of seaching, my friend carl is sure that the lost ark of the covenant is not buried in some crevasse in the catskill mountains.

seven people have now told me that honey bees have stopped working or something, and from experience i know that when seven different people of different ages, different ethnic backgrounds, different heights, and different opinions on the ethicality of stem cell research, tell you that something is happening you accept this as infallible fact. thus, i did what any sane person unaffected by the fumes of model-grade super glue would do...i went on to craigslist and tried to purchase a bee farm. for anyone unfamiliar with the concept of 'craigslist', it is a centralized network of online communities, featuring free classified advertisements (with jobs, internships, housing, personals, for sale/barter/wanted, services, community, gigs, resume, and pets categories) and forums on various topics. as of now craigslist is inundated with a lot of high-profile beekeeping properties (it seems that even the 'honeyville' folks in durango have caught wind of hard times in the beekeeper community), but i finally found some guy that lives right outside of golden, colorado who might be willing to sell me the half of his garage/attic that bees that have taken over. he said, and i quote, "they seem more aggressive than normal bees." excellent, it seems that not all the bees have succomb to slothfulness. i work with a lot of aggressive people and they seem to get more work done than most, you might even call them 'busy, and mean, little bees'. i didn't want to seem like i wasnt 'serious', nor did i want him privy to the information that those bees may be worth their weight in beets in the coming months, so i told him to contact me in the next week so that we can discuss the details of our arrangment. i bought some flavored honey sticks at the sunflower market yesterday in celebration of my soon-to-be latest property acquisition. i figure that in about a month i will own a haunted bread factory AND half of a bee infested garage/attic.



i ran into the macaulay culkin's degenerate, and much less well-known brother the other day on a bike ride...lets just say there's nobody 'home alone' up there. this fellow didnt just buy milk, eggs, and fabric softener...he consumed them, probably in a single sitting. if this kid was alan greenspan he would have changed the accepted form of currency in the u.s. to oak leaves years ago.

speaking of bike riding...i havent been doing much of it. i guess i should say 'enough' of it. not to worry however, all of the components to finish building my cyclocross bike should be here by the end of the week and before you know it i'll be posting unexciting 'race updates' that nobody except my parents will read.

this should be a fair representation of me pre-cyclocross season...



...and post...



...step aside sven nys, ryan trebon, corey carlson, eric moore, and evan sandstrom.

okay i guess thats really all i have for now, for you family members out there i know i left out some general life details...ill get back to you later with them.



(...you're gonna get a bullet in you head courtesy of kyle! d'auria...)