kirk is not to be trusted in these matters, kirk is a violent and sexually deranged being from the 4th dimension.

...kirk, is it true that you are still an erotic adventurer of the most deranged kind.

brule's rules.

(in other news...rabbit mountain time trial = won that shit. don't bother looking at the times, nothing to see there.)

if only ben quinn had a web log...

(...a thorough discussion of cycling excuses...)

1. My Extendor valve Broke.

2. I didn't have my ID so they didn't let me into the Academy.

3. I am like two days away from getting pneumonia.

4. For like 3 weeks every spring I get these really bad allergies and can't breathe.

5. When asked if I was ready to hammer, I vomited all over myself.

6. I've got pink eye, gangrene, melanoma, that david millar sun allergy thing, count choculitis, and/or lice.

7. My brake was rubbing.

8. Acid+Crits = totally tweaking out.

9. I only used 4 pins on my race number.

10. Ryan Belew farted in front of me.

11. I saw Kiel at the start line, immediately gave up, and committed "hari kiel".

12. Diarrhea.

13. Explosive Diarrhea.

14. Cramps (menstrual or otherwise).

15. Totally Bonked.

16. Too many bong hits this week.

17. I got blacked out drunk and hooked up with D(wight) and am too embarrassed to go to the race this weekend.

18. I didn't get much training in this week as I have a new hobby, rollerblading around Wash Park in skinsuits two inches from my buddies ass.

19. Dehydration.

20. Someone in the peloton was freakin ripe, and I couldn't take it anymore.

21. My chain feel off while i was trying to shift into my 11.

22. Norovirus.

23. Fucking Grabowski.

24. I got blacked out drunk, hooked up with Cass, who I thought was D(wight), and thus, am too embarrassed to come to the race this weekend.

25. I forgot that I had a meeting with Dr. Fünke, my Analrapist.

26. I have an unhealthy obsession with Anne Spalding.

27. I accidentally filled my water bottles with coagulated sheep blood.

28. Eric Moore ate all the strawberry energy gels, which is the only flavor I eat.

29. I forgot my vise at home.

30. I don't ride hard, or wear clothes for that matter, on casual friday.

31. I smoked a pack of real cigarettes with my hood rat friends and my lungs are bleeding.

Best Real cycling excuses...

I suck right now.
I couldn't breathe because I am in shitty shape.
I saw Kiel at the start line and immediately gave up.
Explosive Diarrhea.
I don't ride my bike enough, thus am extremely slow.
Bonking, dehydration, I would argue cramps only because it was my reason for quitting the Durango crit but is debatable.
I got blacked out drunk and hooked up with D(wight) and am too embarrassed to go to the race this weekend.



Come with us now on a journey through time and space...to the world of the MIGHTY BOOSH.

eric, add wyoming to the "things that can go f*** themselves" list.

...also on the "things that can go f*** themselves list"...

- jicama


- organic retrosynthetic analysis


- argyle in the collegiate peloton


- people that are always full of grant.

cycling team TRAPPED IN THE ICE!

beat that trout sniffer. amy and devyn want to know if we want to go bowling later...tito - "no."

this post is going to turn into me just grant-ing photos all ova the place. note the use of the verb "grant". :)

dumb.

among other things, i was, semi-recently, molested by this kid's ugly, champagne coloured, orv.

i know, what are the chances, right?

ladies and gentlemen, i've traveled over half our state to be here tonight. i couldn't get away sooner because my new well was coming in at coyote hills and I had to see about it. that well is now flowing at two thousand barrels and it's paying me an income of five thousand dollars a week. i have two others drilling and i have sixteen producing at antelope. so, ladies and gentlemen, if I say i'm an oil man you will agree. you have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. out of all men that beg for a chance to drill your lots, maybe one in twenty will be oilmen; the rest will be speculators-men trying to get between you and the oilmen-to get some of the money that ought by rights come to you. even if you find one that has money, and means to drill, he'll maybe known nothing about drilling and he'll have to hire out the job on contract, and then you're depending on a contractor that's trying to rush the job through so he can get another contract just as quick as he can. this is the way this works.

yes. i really liked "there will be blood". daniel plainview's (daniel day-lewis) affinity for milkshake consumption closely mirrors my own affinity for "tha milkshake" (zach valdez). speaking of whom is now a cat 2...in texas, which i suppose is some sort of cat 4 equivalent in the rest of the continental u.s., and likely in hawaii and alaska as well. i bet milkshakes in texas are huge. i bet you can't drink them in a single sitting, unless of course you are from texas, in which case everything is not 'bigger' to you because you are equally huge (logic(?)). my roommate from texas showed me his passport from texas and i decided that people from texas should have passports three times the size as the passports the rest of us use, and their passports should be magenta (...wait, magenta is too "fuhkin' kweer", how about red, white, & blue?), yes american flag colored. sorry people from texas, but you have done this to yourselves. AND speaking of things from texas that suck, i hate to say it, but milkshake is sucking big time these days. he is getting pulled in the first ten minutes of all the "A" crits, his flux capacitor broke, and his power files just don't look like they used to. i received a complementary copy of "guys with low self-esteem: 2" with the "girls with low self-esteem: 9" video i ordered, and i swear i saw him in a pair of denim cut-offs after the scene with the shitty magician and his trick with the two dead birds. i mean...i didn't watch the video personally, but rented it out to ben quinn, who told me about thinking he saw milkshake in the video. by the way, don't waste your time watching "girls with low self-esteem: 9", the ladies featured in it simply couldn't match the lewd self-esteem deficient individuals from "GWLSE: 6".





my name is colin don. i'm a family man. i run a family business. this is my son and my partner, annyong...



back in the 1960's when i was working on the transcontinental railroad, after getting fired from my job working the high coal in west virginia, my son was hired to work on a locomotive. if i remember correctly the job description said, "needed: young asian boy to wear white polo shirt and turn knobs." talk about a killer prussian work ethic. that kid could turn knobs for days on end without food or sleep...coincidentally also part of the job description.



speaking of children lets talk about my childhood. as most of you know i am a "former child star", and although i don't like that label,...

"no, but seriously forks" i know it's been a while since i gave the bastard child, that is my web log, any attention, so to make it up to you i will give you a particularly useful recipe that was given to me by a very "GQ" friend of mine. the resulting product of this recipe could easily suffice as an early morning date rape drug if you needed one in a pinch.

pancakes!

...dry Ingredients...
(1+1/4) cup FLOUR (Unbleached AP, buckwheat, endless possibilities)
2 tsp. BAKING POWDER (perhaps a little less if you live at altitude)
2 tbs. SUGAR (granulated/white...extra-fine baking sugar works well)
3/4 tsp. SALT (french grey sea salt)

...wet ingredients...
(1+1/4) cup MILK (2%, whole)
3 tablespoons melted BUTTER (unsalted)
1 EGG
1 tbs. pure tahitian VANILLA EXTRACT

instructions:
mix dry. beat egg. mix wet. mix wet into dry. stir until
everything is barely mixed, yet well incorporated.

cook. enjoy. pancakes taste best with a milkshake...a strawberry milkshake.



i swear these aren't mine.



april 9th university of denver club cycling group ride...won that shit. the dead body (singular) was left right were dead bodies are supposed to be left...at the base of the hill.



this is a vise (i thought it was spelled "vice", but i hear this is how it's actually spelled). my favourite appendage spends a lot of time tightened in a vise, much like this one, but made out of iron and severely oxidized (rusty). this guy knows what i'm talking about...








mista dahcy.

as per my grandmother's request a new post is in the works...

...expect it in a few years.