...foreword by anthony bourdain

so, ben quinn and i are currently emmersed in writing a book. well, the writing process hasn't actually begun yet, but at the races the past few weekends we've been discussing it. the book is tentatively going to be titled "fondle my oats: a guide to doing oatmeal right in our chaotic modern day society", oh, and i'm going to ask anthony bourdain (culinary badass) to write the foreword and maybe submit one of his own oat recipes. any of you familiar with anthony bourdain and his literature know that there is no way that this is ever going to happen, first of all he probably doesn't prepare oatmeal, and secondly he sure as hell doesn't consciously ingest oats unless they happen to be cooked into a dish or baked good. the book will contain a number of recipes and cooking tips, plus stories from my own oat cooking endeavors...

excerpt from "chapter 23: vacation oats"
" i was living amongst the zulu tribe in africa one summer, and with out the option of water, i had to prepare my gourd of quick oats using cow blood..."

we're also trying to work along similar lines as a coffee table book that i once purchased, that folded open into a coffee table, by making the book some sort of one time use, last resort cooking vessel.

as promised here's a little hint that might make your life a little bit easier...
anyone who has tried to make real oatmeal, not that one minute garbage, knows that it takes an obscene amount of time to prepare, whether you do it in the microwave or one the stove. this is because of the time it takes to soften the oats and make them palatable. here's the secret...the night before, put your oats that you plan to cook the next morning in a bowl and soak them in your liquid of choice (milk, water, soy milk, cows blood, etc...). overnight the oats will absorb the liquid and become essentially "cooked". in the morning when you wake up you will just have to heat them up and a bowl of stellar oats will be ready for consumption.

there you go. make tom or row morning an oatmeal morning.

i dump my cereal in the sink.

so the real impetus for starting this blog was to have a legitimate website for zach milkshake valdez's faux facebook page. check in occassionally though and you might pick up a new oatmeal recipe once in a while.